Baby Grace

I am once again captivated and at the same time mortified by the Baby Grace case. My heart and soul hurt so terribly for a child I have only known through pictures. All my knowledge and wisdom still does not bring me to any conclusion to comprehend this horrific crime. I know why people steal, I know why people lie, and I have even accepted certain reasons for committing rapes and murders. I can even accept the theories as to why pedophiles are attracted to children. However I cannot come up with any logical justification or mental illness which would explain the death of Riley Ann Sawyers. I pray to God for understanding of this and similar crimes and I hear nothing back. I know I may not be mother of the year, I know I lose my cool sometimes, I have raised my voice and I have also been guilty of striking my child in anger and/or frustration. But this? This is extreme, unacceptable, inhumane, insane, and barbaric. This is truly madness. My mind races to find an excuse, an answer, a trigger, a cause. I can only cry and ask God to bring me peace, to give me the words to explain this to my own child, to calm me during this horrible time. I know I am a sensitive person and this case has become a bit personal to me. I don't know why. I wish I could be detached and not care. And if I care, I wish I could at least feel anger, but I can't. God won't let me. I feel numb. I can't be angry, because I am still searching for an answer that will not come until I am face to face with my Lord. I suppose all I can ask for is patience and peace. Lord, bring me peace. I know she is now among your angels. I just wish she had gone in her sleep and not at the hands of monsters.