A year has passed

This day a year ago, my paternal grandmother took her last breath and joined our Creator. With my father at her side, she passed on in the comfort of her home. 3 days later she was buried. All of her grandchildren and many of her great-grand children were present, all but me. I did not make the 350 mile drive to pay my respects. When they called me and told me that she had passed I did not cry. I can't explain my stoic behavior. But she was an odd woman. Not very maternal, not very kind, and certainly not loving towards me. I realize that her behavior towards me does not excuse my absence at her "going away" party.

However, this weekend I visited my grandmother's house. I sat in her rocking chair and thought of her. I sat in the porch where she so often sat in the early mornings or late afternoons as old folks do. I even caught myself remembering the feel of her hands. The wrinkled skin and claw like nails. I remember her watery cataract eyes. I recalled how she would always compliment my features, by comparing me to my mother; which was not a compliment coming from her, but rather an insult. I recalled that she had promised me a ring; which was never found. I also remember how she read my palm when I was 11 years old. I recalled many things about her. And as I wandered from room to room, I almost expected to hear her shuffling steps, her under the breath murmurings, and her constant clearing of throat. But they never came, her ghost paid me no visit and I returned home. I was reassured that she was not angry at me for not attending her funeral and relieved that she had indeed passed on and was not lingering in the house.

I am sorry Grandma. May you rest in peace.

Dedicated to Amelia Pena Lucio