My meandering thoughts
The voices in my head!
Monday, August 22, 2016
Taking the Time
Today as I walked out of the examination room at my Ob/Gyn's office I crossed paths with a lady in tears. She appeared pregnant and in distress. I don't know her situation but my heart hurt for her. She was being wheeled away by a nurse and before I could talk to her she was gone. I checked out and walked out of the office and as I waited for the elevator who should cross my path yet again? That woman again. We shared the elevator and as the door closed I turned to her and prayed with her. I told her God was with her. She held my hand so tightly and I sensed God there. I walked away in tears. I remember countless times I left my doctor's office frustrated and in tears for my own struggles and only He was there for me. I know it was no accident that I left my doctor appointment at that precise moment. That was orchestrated by God.
Again I tell you, don't be so wrapped up in yourself that you miss out on blessing others. That's the redemptive power of Chris in you, to be used by and for Him!
Tuesday, January 07, 2014
Perfect Change
Ephesians 5:1-2 The Living Bible (TLB) Follow God’s example in everything you do just as a much loved child imitates his father. 2 Be full of love for others, following the example of Christ who loved you and gave himself to God as a sacrifice to take away your sins. And God was pleased, for Christ’s love for you was like sweet perfume to him.
As I ponder on this scripture I can’t help but smile at the point illustrated above - “as a much loved child imitates his father”. I smile because I know exactly what he is talking about. I have seen it in my children as they strive to serve others and I am glad they are following a positive example I have set as opposed to one of my many flaws. And as I smile I have to evaluate my life further and ask myself if I have been following God’s examples enough. I am not perfect nor do I strive to be, but I do want to be a better person today than I was yesterday. While I am a firm believer in setting goals and resolutions – I don’t think being a better Christian should be a goal but rather a desire to serve others not out of a sense of moral obligation but rather the insistent need that God places in our hearts when we draw near to Him. I believe that His presence is a catalyst for me to change my interactions with others in a way that every contact I have with others will cause them to feel God’s love. Is this ambitious? Yes, it is but not impossible. Like I said, I am not perfect and I won’t deceive myself or anyone else into thinking they have to be either. But I do think that change is more real and effective when we strive for small, frequent changes rather than these large and seemingly impossible ones. I am just one person, but again I can’t help but smile when I think what greatness could be realized for God’s glory if we all strived to be just a little bit more like Christ rather than giving into our shortcomings. Imagine that!
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Christmas Reflection
Then again in my own failed marriage as an adult I had to face the sad inventory of my life all over again during a time that should have been joyful. As a mother I felt responsible for any lack my daughter experienced knowing that in some way I had caused her to not have her father in her life as much as she deserved him to be.
I realize that perhaps I may have been a bit harsh on myself over the years and maybe as I have gotten older (and hopefully wiser) I have found a better way to cope with the losses and appreciate the blessings. In the last 4 years my life has dramatically changed. I went from being a single mom trying to finish college to a second chance at love and finishing graduate school. This Christmas I can see what my sacrifices have paid off and where my faith has been rewarded. I am not the sad person who couldn’t stand Christmas Carols anymore, neither am I broken and bitter with disappointment. I can see hope in the darkness and believe that God can do anything when we surrender to his will. This Christmas I wish to share that hope with you. After all, Christmas is not about the tree, stockings and gifts but rather about remembering the gift of God’s presence with us on earth and the hope that his birth brought to this world.
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
Semi-Annual Self Analysis
There is a lot to evaluate here, this may take all 13 days. I better get busy.
Friday, December 04, 2009
Are You Half Grown & Half Awake?
In this theory are eight assumptions. I noted the first as such: “Our usual state of mind is significantly underdeveloped, uncontrolled and dysfunctional”; with my Jesus-lenses it looked like this: Our usual state of spiritual health is significantly underdeveloped (due to lack of church attendance & bible reading), uncontrolled (sinning), and dysfunctional (suffering & conviction due to lifestyle not being in congruence with your beliefs).
When I got deeper in the theory I got the half grown bit and I thought about how some of us Christians are, for lack of better words, half baked. :) If they are sufficiently blessed or blessed “just enough”, then they never strive for more. They tithe the minimum, volunteer only when the “need” is expressed and never stretch their faith. They live on the bare minimum, never trying or even being aware of the next level which God desires all of us to be at.
God is always calling us to do more, to “step up” to that next level with him, not just so that we can reap the benefits and blessings, but so that we can be a blessing to others. In case you didn’t know, God is a show off, he loves to prove himself and demonstrate his awesomeness. However, if we as Christians don’t step up and prepare the stage for Him to show up, then how can He be glorified? I know I don't want to be half awake, half blessed, half living, half portion... I want all that God has in store for me, and I in turn want to be all He imagined and created me for. What about you?
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I am alive
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Death really makes you think
With the recent death of my grandfather, I realized many things; one being how little I knew of him. I knew the facts like date of birth, name, height, health disorders... but I never knew his favorite food, music, thoughts... absolutely nothing. He was a man of few words but his eyes hinted at deep thoughts. I should have asked him what he thought when he would stare while sitting in his porch swing, but I didn't. His gait was unmistakable with the jingle of keys he always had at his waist. I never knew what he looked like without a hat until he was in the coffin. I never knew what he thought of me aside from his short remark of "how sweet" I was. I never knew if he knew of the trouble I had caused or that I stole mangos from his backyard. He never gave away if he know about my brother sneaking behind the house to smoke. He was so passive, I never saw him mad or upset. He never raised his voice, not ever, but then again that might have been because my grandmother spoke for the both of them. I am now left with many unanswered questions and I grieve that loss. I rejoice that he is reunited with my grandmother, I am not sure if he is happy about that or not, but all the same he is freed from his sickly body and is eternally at peace (I hope). Grandpa, I am sorry for not spending as much time as I should have with you. Please know that I loved you in my own reserved way and forgive me if I don't please you. I pray that you rest in peace. Don't let Grandma give you too much hell.